Lord Rick Homeless With No Place To Go.... :( I Tried.....Just Seems Like Everybody Kicks You When Your Down No Matter How Good Your Intentions Are Or How Well You Mean
Posted at 11:25 AM Sep 1
Know where you can go, Rick. To hell! Nice and warm there. By the way, Paranormal State says howdy.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Response to Lard Wreck's Hallucination.
Get burned by what? Your joint? Don't give me that clean shit. You always brag about toking it. In Quest's defense,THC can be elusive if you haven't toked in a few days. A powerful enemy? You can't even keep a home or the windows in your busted up Subaru. What are going to attack me with? You've already hit some innocent bystanders with your bullshit.
"Rick wont help you no more fuckers your on your own I lost my show cause of these ass clowns these jack asses offered me 2000 to say that shit about Synthia and when it came time to pay up they made off like they did not know who the fuck I am there nuts."
Help US??? Rick, seriously, PUT THE FUCKING BONG DOWN!
"Everybody wants to take take take and profit off of me. No more free rides"
Nothing comes free from going anywhere near you.
"Pauly boy wrote me months ago saying I have information about this woman. He says do you want it? It would make a hell of a show. I thought fuck you know I could really boost my ratings so I put this show together and do my own research and somebody else tells me Synthia’s real name is Patrice Richards living in Colorado."
Like you say, Rick...Assumption is the fuck up of all mother fuckers.
"Pauly boy offers me 2000 to make up all this shit about his old lady on my show I got 3 sons to take care of so what the hell right plus toke that’s a lot of weed toke I do the show and no money then this ass clown tries to blackmail my wife for information about me and he contacts my wife’s father talking about me being a druggie let me explain nicely to you my ex reported me for drugs to the state so I had recently a hair and piss test done by quest the lady called from the state said my urine and hair is CLEAN its on record so bastards you want to play come on down BITCH! Play with fire be prepared to get burned."
We've already discussed this one so lets not be stupid about it. Well, Rick, it seems you've finally seen what a loser this asshole is.
"Drug test do not lie especially knowing quest is a national reputable drug testing medical facility."
No, but they can and do make mistakes. You can also trick them. You can even go a few days without smoking pot and the tester may not get a read. As much as you brag about toking, to tell anyone that you are clean is supreme bullshit. Where were you when they were handing out brains?
"Folks I hope you are starting to see the losers these people are."
You don't have to tell me. Anyone who would say the bullshit they did has to be a loser. Who would say that about a little kid? But consider this, you're the one who accepted 2000 from them to make up shit about someone so what does that make you?
"Anyways point being he is a firefighter for the town which starts off in most counties at 35,000 a year and that bastard acts like a 2000 is going to break him."
I don't know, this guy sounds like too much of a loser to be making that kind of money. Anyway, I read a flood report last night that said he was only a volunteer.
"Pauly boy and his fat gf send me these files for my show you know I got a recording studio with all the bells and whistles they wanted me to doctor up these recordings alter voices etc to make it sound like this boy hates his mother and wants me to make it sound like his mom is planning to kidnap this child. I said is this legal and he said yeah man I got a order in court to do it."
And you believed it? Gawd are you dumb...
"Sorry to make a spectacle no Im not you assumed I would keep quiet assumption is the fuck up of all mother fuckers. Im not going down in the ship with you here is the thing I will be around 10 years from now…15 years from now:) while you will still be sitting on your lard asses picking them looking at my hot photos showing off my tattoos and nice biceps no ego just fact:)."
Photos of your rad tats, you mean?
"My fucking show gets canceled after they bitch and moan to the producers I can slap you guys with a lawsuit how would you like that.? Ha ha I will come down there and show Heidi what a real man looks like not some pretend lard ass fire fighter who stands around playing with his hose all day."
Ask if they have a contact.
"Hahaha I do not demean anyone without a cause."
No, you'll do it for 2000.
"Sure I party I work hard and I have every right to."
Yes, it's a bitch doing all that copying and pasting to your groups.
"What I do is my own business say what you want about me at least I do not pretend to be someone I’m not."
So what do you pretend to be? We can't figure it out.
"Pauly boy comes to me pretending to be a reporter here he is taking low digs mocking out the paranormal. I have done over 800 investigations, over 60,000 photos I run the biggest paranormal group in the country I have been in books on television I am a talk show host man the list goes on. Anyone who does not show respect for this is an ingrate."
Well, Rick, you're cheap entertainment. Going to three sites in a couple of hours and snapping some photos and then taking pics of your pot smoke and calling them demons is not an investigation. As for hard work...work is productive. You have not fulfilled this requirement.
"That doesn’t just happen that takes work you should try it sometime."
So should you.
"Don’t believe me? I will raise my hands and fill the room with demons and spirits and I will show you real power. I will put these demons upon you to do my bidding your worst nightmare will come true I come face to face with UfO’S, bigfoot, demons, ghosts, cryptids and other shit that would eat you for godddamned lunch. Maybe the lord Rick knows what he’s talking about after all? Ha ha Unlike you I am very smart and you are nothing compared to me. If you do not think there will be pay back then you do not know the Lord you have made a powerful enemy."
Oh, I've found worse in the litter box after my cat is done with it. Look out Pauly! You've made enemies with a fellow stoner loser.
"Rick wont help you no more fuckers your on your own I lost my show cause of these ass clowns these jack asses offered me 2000 to say that shit about Synthia and when it came time to pay up they made off like they did not know who the fuck I am there nuts."
Help US??? Rick, seriously, PUT THE FUCKING BONG DOWN!
"Everybody wants to take take take and profit off of me. No more free rides"
Nothing comes free from going anywhere near you.
"Pauly boy wrote me months ago saying I have information about this woman. He says do you want it? It would make a hell of a show. I thought fuck you know I could really boost my ratings so I put this show together and do my own research and somebody else tells me Synthia’s real name is Patrice Richards living in Colorado."
Like you say, Rick...Assumption is the fuck up of all mother fuckers.
"Pauly boy offers me 2000 to make up all this shit about his old lady on my show I got 3 sons to take care of so what the hell right plus toke that’s a lot of weed toke I do the show and no money then this ass clown tries to blackmail my wife for information about me and he contacts my wife’s father talking about me being a druggie let me explain nicely to you my ex reported me for drugs to the state so I had recently a hair and piss test done by quest the lady called from the state said my urine and hair is CLEAN its on record so bastards you want to play come on down BITCH! Play with fire be prepared to get burned."
We've already discussed this one so lets not be stupid about it. Well, Rick, it seems you've finally seen what a loser this asshole is.
"Drug test do not lie especially knowing quest is a national reputable drug testing medical facility."
No, but they can and do make mistakes. You can also trick them. You can even go a few days without smoking pot and the tester may not get a read. As much as you brag about toking, to tell anyone that you are clean is supreme bullshit. Where were you when they were handing out brains?
"Folks I hope you are starting to see the losers these people are."
You don't have to tell me. Anyone who would say the bullshit they did has to be a loser. Who would say that about a little kid? But consider this, you're the one who accepted 2000 from them to make up shit about someone so what does that make you?
"Anyways point being he is a firefighter for the town which starts off in most counties at 35,000 a year and that bastard acts like a 2000 is going to break him."
I don't know, this guy sounds like too much of a loser to be making that kind of money. Anyway, I read a flood report last night that said he was only a volunteer.
"Pauly boy and his fat gf send me these files for my show you know I got a recording studio with all the bells and whistles they wanted me to doctor up these recordings alter voices etc to make it sound like this boy hates his mother and wants me to make it sound like his mom is planning to kidnap this child. I said is this legal and he said yeah man I got a order in court to do it."
And you believed it? Gawd are you dumb...
"Sorry to make a spectacle no Im not you assumed I would keep quiet assumption is the fuck up of all mother fuckers. Im not going down in the ship with you here is the thing I will be around 10 years from now…15 years from now:) while you will still be sitting on your lard asses picking them looking at my hot photos showing off my tattoos and nice biceps no ego just fact:)."
Photos of your rad tats, you mean?
"My fucking show gets canceled after they bitch and moan to the producers I can slap you guys with a lawsuit how would you like that.? Ha ha I will come down there and show Heidi what a real man looks like not some pretend lard ass fire fighter who stands around playing with his hose all day."
Ask if they have a contact.
"Hahaha I do not demean anyone without a cause."
No, you'll do it for 2000.
"Sure I party I work hard and I have every right to."
Yes, it's a bitch doing all that copying and pasting to your groups.
"What I do is my own business say what you want about me at least I do not pretend to be someone I’m not."
So what do you pretend to be? We can't figure it out.
"Pauly boy comes to me pretending to be a reporter here he is taking low digs mocking out the paranormal. I have done over 800 investigations, over 60,000 photos I run the biggest paranormal group in the country I have been in books on television I am a talk show host man the list goes on. Anyone who does not show respect for this is an ingrate."
Well, Rick, you're cheap entertainment. Going to three sites in a couple of hours and snapping some photos and then taking pics of your pot smoke and calling them demons is not an investigation. As for hard work...work is productive. You have not fulfilled this requirement.
"That doesn’t just happen that takes work you should try it sometime."
So should you.
"Don’t believe me? I will raise my hands and fill the room with demons and spirits and I will show you real power. I will put these demons upon you to do my bidding your worst nightmare will come true I come face to face with UfO’S, bigfoot, demons, ghosts, cryptids and other shit that would eat you for godddamned lunch. Maybe the lord Rick knows what he’s talking about after all? Ha ha Unlike you I am very smart and you are nothing compared to me. If you do not think there will be pay back then you do not know the Lord you have made a powerful enemy."
Oh, I've found worse in the litter box after my cat is done with it. Look out Pauly! You've made enemies with a fellow stoner loser.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Book Of Rick, book II (classic AOTN.Blogspot post)
1And the Lord found His way unto the paradise of Vegas, where those as degenerate as he could be found.
2It came to pass that He found a friend upon whom He could so mooch and He did uphold His group that He hath nourished for two years.
3But little is told of those earlier days that the Lord spent in Vegas, but this was most important in His quest for followers and noteriety.
4So that by the time that He was prepared to move on, He was known as AngelOfThyNight and He did go to the wilderness of Orlando.
5There He went through many trials and tribulations. Here, He settled in the lands in search of ghosts and the skunk ape.
6His followers gathered unto Him and He did make use of the divine Yahoo Groups. He sought many women of Wicca, preferably Asian, who would give themselves unto him.
7And Paranormal and Ghost Society grew and there many meetups and barbeque wings, and there was much toking, and the Lord was glad.
8It seemed He was no longer butthurt as He led His followers through the wilderness,
9Until deep within the swamp that was Okeechobee, He did find a shack that was open twenty four hours.
10The Lord sayeth unto his people, "I shall enter this shack and whilst I am here, thou shalt seek ghosts and thou shalt not deprive Me of the credit."
11So sayeth the Lord, "Thou shalt not view images of the Ghost Hunters and nor shall thee view the Sci-fi Channel for TAPS is an abomination unto Me."
12And entering the shack, He did find a wise man and the wise man didst say, "Come and toke with me and we shall discuss many things."
13And the Lord didst toke with the wise man and as it happened, the wise man was an expert of the paranormal. He didst give the Lord the laws of ghost hunting.
14"How shall my people know thy word?" asketh the Lord.
15The wise man didst say, "I haveth these stone tablets of which are no use to me. I shall engrave the law into them and your people shall know my laws."
16And the wise man did procure a crayon for his scripture and so composed his laws.
17During this time, his people grew restless with wait and one person didst have a portable screen.
18They did talk amongst themselves and all knew that the Ghost Hunters were coming on for it was Wednesday, and the scriptures told that TAPS was on Wednesday nights at 8/7 central.
19And when the Lord emerged from the shack, He saw His people gathered around the screen and He did see the image of Jason Hawes thereupon and His wrath was great.
20He shouted, "What is this? Do My people dare sate themselves with such graven images?"
21The people looked upon Him stunned. His hair had turned pink, perhaps in the gaining of wisdom, and He had two great stone tablets.
22In fury, He hurled the stone tablets upon the ground and He did take the screen and dashed it into ground. He took the peices and threw them into the swamp.
23Sayeth the Lord, "Drink from the swamp!"
24His followers stood, still stunned when one brave soul stood and didst say, "Dude, Thou must payeth for that."
25The Lord pointed and didst say, "Thou art banished! Findeth thine own ride!"
26The other people not willing to findeth their own rides, stayed with the Lord and listened.
27The Lord picked up the tablets and wiped the mud from them and He did say unto His people, "These are those Commandments given to Me by the wise one within.
28"They are the core of the law and once thou knowest them, I shall tell thee the whole law."
29"The First Commandment: Thou shalt have no other Lord before Me. I shall provide thee with ghostly photos and no other.
30"The Second Commandment: Thou shalt not view other ghost hunters that do not pay hommage to Me. They are an abomination to Me.
31"The Third Commandment: Thou shalt post to My groups. This is an active board.
32"The Fourth Commandment: Thou shalt donate to Me. My pot habit will not support itself.
33"The Fifth Commandment: Thou shalt come to My meetups. Some of thee may be cute women.
34"The Sixth Commandment: Thou shalt not be law enforcement officers or members of the NWO. I shall surely sue thee.
35"The Seventh Commandment: Thou shalt join Me on investigations. Otherwise thou must be cowards afraid of leaving thy monitors.
36"The Eighth Commandment: Thou shalt not make fun of Me. I will surely smite thee with the local sheriff.
37"The Ninth Commandment: Thou shalt toke with Me. Thou must learn to relax and layeth back.
38"The Tenth and Final Commandment: Thou shalt not challenge thy Lord's knowledge and wisdom. Agree with me at all times!"
39The Lord did lower His tablets and his followers said that they hadst not a problem with most of those commandments.
40Everyone toked up and there was merriment made.
41Then when all had left the wilderness, the Lord saw that all activity ended. He could no longer get people to show up at his meetups and he was butthurt.
2It came to pass that He found a friend upon whom He could so mooch and He did uphold His group that He hath nourished for two years.
3But little is told of those earlier days that the Lord spent in Vegas, but this was most important in His quest for followers and noteriety.
4So that by the time that He was prepared to move on, He was known as AngelOfThyNight and He did go to the wilderness of Orlando.
5There He went through many trials and tribulations. Here, He settled in the lands in search of ghosts and the skunk ape.
6His followers gathered unto Him and He did make use of the divine Yahoo Groups. He sought many women of Wicca, preferably Asian, who would give themselves unto him.
7And Paranormal and Ghost Society grew and there many meetups and barbeque wings, and there was much toking, and the Lord was glad.
8It seemed He was no longer butthurt as He led His followers through the wilderness,
9Until deep within the swamp that was Okeechobee, He did find a shack that was open twenty four hours.
10The Lord sayeth unto his people, "I shall enter this shack and whilst I am here, thou shalt seek ghosts and thou shalt not deprive Me of the credit."
11So sayeth the Lord, "Thou shalt not view images of the Ghost Hunters and nor shall thee view the Sci-fi Channel for TAPS is an abomination unto Me."
12And entering the shack, He did find a wise man and the wise man didst say, "Come and toke with me and we shall discuss many things."
13And the Lord didst toke with the wise man and as it happened, the wise man was an expert of the paranormal. He didst give the Lord the laws of ghost hunting.
14"How shall my people know thy word?" asketh the Lord.
15The wise man didst say, "I haveth these stone tablets of which are no use to me. I shall engrave the law into them and your people shall know my laws."
16And the wise man did procure a crayon for his scripture and so composed his laws.
17During this time, his people grew restless with wait and one person didst have a portable screen.
18They did talk amongst themselves and all knew that the Ghost Hunters were coming on for it was Wednesday, and the scriptures told that TAPS was on Wednesday nights at 8/7 central.
19And when the Lord emerged from the shack, He saw His people gathered around the screen and He did see the image of Jason Hawes thereupon and His wrath was great.
20He shouted, "What is this? Do My people dare sate themselves with such graven images?"
21The people looked upon Him stunned. His hair had turned pink, perhaps in the gaining of wisdom, and He had two great stone tablets.
22In fury, He hurled the stone tablets upon the ground and He did take the screen and dashed it into ground. He took the peices and threw them into the swamp.
23Sayeth the Lord, "Drink from the swamp!"
24His followers stood, still stunned when one brave soul stood and didst say, "Dude, Thou must payeth for that."
25The Lord pointed and didst say, "Thou art banished! Findeth thine own ride!"
26The other people not willing to findeth their own rides, stayed with the Lord and listened.
27The Lord picked up the tablets and wiped the mud from them and He did say unto His people, "These are those Commandments given to Me by the wise one within.
28"They are the core of the law and once thou knowest them, I shall tell thee the whole law."
29"The First Commandment: Thou shalt have no other Lord before Me. I shall provide thee with ghostly photos and no other.
30"The Second Commandment: Thou shalt not view other ghost hunters that do not pay hommage to Me. They are an abomination to Me.
31"The Third Commandment: Thou shalt post to My groups. This is an active board.
32"The Fourth Commandment: Thou shalt donate to Me. My pot habit will not support itself.
33"The Fifth Commandment: Thou shalt come to My meetups. Some of thee may be cute women.
34"The Sixth Commandment: Thou shalt not be law enforcement officers or members of the NWO. I shall surely sue thee.
35"The Seventh Commandment: Thou shalt join Me on investigations. Otherwise thou must be cowards afraid of leaving thy monitors.
36"The Eighth Commandment: Thou shalt not make fun of Me. I will surely smite thee with the local sheriff.
37"The Ninth Commandment: Thou shalt toke with Me. Thou must learn to relax and layeth back.
38"The Tenth and Final Commandment: Thou shalt not challenge thy Lord's knowledge and wisdom. Agree with me at all times!"
39The Lord did lower His tablets and his followers said that they hadst not a problem with most of those commandments.
40Everyone toked up and there was merriment made.
41Then when all had left the wilderness, the Lord saw that all activity ended. He could no longer get people to show up at his meetups and he was butthurt.
Coming Up...
We have some big surprises in store coming up for Lord Wreck.
Firstly, we have the second part of the "Emperor's New Rad Tat". It will be ready next week some time.
I am also working very hard on the new song, "Butthurt Keeps Falling On Rick's Ass."
Meanwhile, Judge Phantom has few surpises of his own in store.
Lord Mulletor, I didn't realize you could be so low. Well, I did realize it, I just didn't think you would be stupid enough to write it and publish it, but we'll discuss that later, unless you want to keep being stupid...look who I'm talking to. Of course you are.
Blessed be the Lord's Ty-D Bowl Blue Mullet for it is sacred. May the mullet never fear the barber. May the Lord not smite me with the local sheriff.
Next up, a golden oldie.
Lord Lulz
Firstly, we have the second part of the "Emperor's New Rad Tat". It will be ready next week some time.
I am also working very hard on the new song, "Butthurt Keeps Falling On Rick's Ass."
Meanwhile, Judge Phantom has few surpises of his own in store.
Lord Mulletor, I didn't realize you could be so low. Well, I did realize it, I just didn't think you would be stupid enough to write it and publish it, but we'll discuss that later, unless you want to keep being stupid...look who I'm talking to. Of course you are.
Blessed be the Lord's Ty-D Bowl Blue Mullet for it is sacred. May the mullet never fear the barber. May the Lord not smite me with the local sheriff.
Next up, a golden oldie.
Lord Lulz
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
When Losers Attack!
What a bunch of losers! For those of you keeping score, Mike Bitchital has posted once and anonymous posted umpteen fucking times. Who is anonymous anyway? I'll tell you who! He's a coward who knows he's full of shit and afraid we'll find out if he posts his real name.
Mike, give it up. We both know you can't do shit. You don't even use your real name. If your "attorney" works for anything at all, it's not probono. It's pro-boner. If you really had a lawyer he would chewing you out for coming on here and demolishing what little case he may have had in your little fantasy world. Imitating Rick is not going to get you anywhere.
Rick, your threats have never meant anything before. What makes you think they mean anything now. You're a nothing irritation. Somehow, you have managed to make a big stink and that is why I feel you worthy of my attention. Nothing more. So go ahead and curse me with death row inmates or whatever it is you do.
Mike, give it up. We both know you can't do shit. You don't even use your real name. If your "attorney" works for anything at all, it's not probono. It's pro-boner. If you really had a lawyer he would chewing you out for coming on here and demolishing what little case he may have had in your little fantasy world. Imitating Rick is not going to get you anywhere.
Rick, your threats have never meant anything before. What makes you think they mean anything now. You're a nothing irritation. Somehow, you have managed to make a big stink and that is why I feel you worthy of my attention. Nothing more. So go ahead and curse me with death row inmates or whatever it is you do.
Send In The Clowns
Isn’t it great?
Trumpets will blare.
Judge telling jokes about Rick’s bong,
And his hair.
Where are the clowns?
I’ll toast Lord Bliss.
He’ll threaten to sue.
Needing more money to dye his hair,
Ty-d bowl blue.
He calls us clowns.
There ought to be clowns.
Rick hears our laughter, visits our site.
He says “you mock the great Lord,
Prepare for a fight!”
“I do all the hard work,
But none of you care.”
None of you lazy bastards,
Even posts there there.
Don’t you love farce?
I surely do.
Rick makes the ghosts laugh so hard,
They can’t say boo.
But where are the clowns?
Rick hates the clowns.
Oh brother, they’re here!
Hot dogs and beer?
Then maybe we’ll toke?
At Lords meet up he’ll blow Holy smoke.
But where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns.
They’ve all gathered right here . . .
Trumpets will blare.
Judge telling jokes about Rick’s bong,
And his hair.
Where are the clowns?
I’ll toast Lord Bliss.
He’ll threaten to sue.
Needing more money to dye his hair,
Ty-d bowl blue.
He calls us clowns.
There ought to be clowns.
Rick hears our laughter, visits our site.
He says “you mock the great Lord,
Prepare for a fight!”
“I do all the hard work,
But none of you care.”
None of you lazy bastards,
Even posts there there.
Don’t you love farce?
I surely do.
Rick makes the ghosts laugh so hard,
They can’t say boo.
But where are the clowns?
Rick hates the clowns.
Oh brother, they’re here!
Hot dogs and beer?
Then maybe we’ll toke?
At Lords meet up he’ll blow Holy smoke.
But where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns.
They’ve all gathered right here . . .
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Mikey Has More Important Things to Worry About
This is why you can't trust Mike Dijital. The lying tard threatens to sue us for...whatever his little mind thinks he can sue us for and looky here!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
The Emperor's New Rad Tat
The Emperor’s New Rad Tat
ONCE UPON A TIME in the distant land of La La there lived an emperor who called himself Lord Rick. He wasn’t really an emperor. He wasn’t really even a lord. He ran for president once, but that’s the closest he ever came. (In fact, I’m not even sure Rick is his real name). Well, this tale takes place long, long ago, sometime last Tuesday, and has been painstakingly chronicled by Lord Lulz and Judge Phantom. The Lord was mighty emperor who can summon demons by raising his arm. He was much loved by all four of his subjects; sometimes five depending on how well the fifth subject knew the emperor.
He much adored his rad tats. His sixteen rad tats were his greatest pride and he greatly vaunted their abilities to attract ghosts. He had a picture of a glorious creature, who he loved with all his heart. He kept the photo in his shirt pocket, which was held together by three pieces of thread. At night, he would take the photo out, stare at it for long hours and kiss it even and sometimes his subjects could hear crying out in the night a single word…”Bigfoot”.
The emperor stood before his subjects and proclaimed, “Hear Ye! Hear! People of La La Land!” (He could not afford a town crier.) “I seek my beloved Bigfoot to be mine to cherish. He who can bring my beloved to me shall have riches piled upon him!”
By sheer chance, at that very moment, not far from where Lord Rick made his announcement, Mike Dijital and his cronies were scheming. They had come upon hard financial times. Mike would not sell his cheap Gibson Les Paul Jr., so they had to come up with other means to support themselves.
“Dude, how are we gonna some spending cash?” said one of the cronies.
A second, “Hey, we can always convince your mamma to go on Jerry Springer.”
“Dude, what did you just say?”
“You heard me, mamma’s boy.”
Mike said, “Knock it off you two. We need to find some dumb rich dude to swindle. We can pretend to be his friend and offer something that he wants more than anything else. But who do we know that’s dumb enough?”
Generic crony one scratched his chin thoughtfully and said, “Hey, man. There’s this Lord Rick nitwit who said there was a UFO hovering over his house for four hours.”
This was interesting, and Mike rose an eyebrow. “Did anyone else see this UFO?”
“Nope.”
Just at that moment, Mike heard Rick’s proclamation from a bullhorn up the street and said, “Yup, I think we’ve found our mark.”
Meanwhile, in his castle, which was really a garage with a red tarpaulin hanging over the door to disguise the fact that it was really a garage, the emperor pontificated before a webcam. He basically rambled for six hours.
“Well, everybody,” he said into the electronic eye, “I’ve finally made the leap and put out the word for Bigfoot to come for me and I only hope that these idiots, these ass clowns, who are these guys? These wiseguys who mock me out and molest the Lord Rick Fake Radio Show. They’re really just jealous of me, and my success. I’ve been in the media. I’ve written books. I’ve had thousands of photos. I’ve done over 800,000 stellar investigations and I need donations. I’ve got an investigation coming up and I need money for equipment. You know, if you have any used equipment I’ll be happy to take it. Gas cards will work. I’ll always take money. If you don’t have anything to give, you can always just show up and help out. We’ll toke a few: have a few drinks. For God sakes, get up off your lazy good-for-nothing-asses and get out from behind your monitors you lazy bastards. I deserve a little appreciation. None of you give me any appreciation. I work my ass off for these groups and everyone just takes. Do you know…do you know…I am so freaking stoned. I completely forgot what I was talking about.”
Jayman, who often tried to be the emperor’s great advisor, phoned into the fake radio show and said, “Hold it, hold it, wait a minute. What were you saying about Bigfoot?”
“Hey man, I’m trying to tie the knot with Bigfoot!”
“Oh, Jesus Christ. Umm, Rick, what the hell did you put in your bong this time?”
“Dude! I got primo grade! Fresh off the stem! Come on, Jay! Come on down here to Sin City and toke one up!”
“Thanks for the offer, Rick, but I think I’ll pass. I’m too busy being a productive member of society. So tell me: what did Bigfoot say when you gave him/her/it the ring?”
“Oh, you know. I can’t find it. I’m giving a big reward to anyone who can him to me.”
“Someone sent you forty bucks and you’re using it to find Bigfoot?”
“No, I got my welfare check and got a little extra cash from the slots. I was hot for a couple of days so I got some cash to throw around. Got some prime weed and I’ve been toking it. I decided that I can either fix up my Subaru or find Bigfoot. The busted out windows save me on gas for the A/C so I decided to find the love of my life.”
“Um, Rick, let me guess. You put this up on Craigslist. Rick, this is hard to believe, but there are idiots even dumber than you who are going to start messaging you and you’re going to get con artists and every breed. Do yourself a favor and put the bong down. Rick, just put the bong down.”
“Oh, don’t give me that shit, Jay. You always show up ragging on my kids and ragging on my dead friend. You post all my personal information and you think I’m supposed to think you’re worth a shit?”
“Rick, look. I just want to help. How much is this reward anyway?”
“It’s ten thousand and just how are you helping by posting my personal ads and posting my dinner menu?”
“Ten thousand?”
“You are the biggest ass clown of all the wiseguys. Why the hell are you even on my show?”
“Rick, first of all, if I even believed you had ten thousand dollars, it takes a real worthless moron to use it to find Bigfoot, when every other day of the week, you can’t even feed your family.”
“Hey, I saved something for my kids you damned ass clown. It’s my money and I—“
“Rick, second; to advertise that kind of money publicly is idiocy. You’re liable to get yourself killed.”
After a few seconds there was dead air. “Okay,” said Rick, “That was one of the wiseguys. He calls him Jayman and he is one of the ass clowns who harasses my eleven thousand members. I just blocked him, so we don’t have to listen to his bullshit anymore.”
And so it was that the emperor ignored any good advice that anyone ever tried to give him. After several hours, the person who’s garage he was crashing in started pounding on the door. The emperor turned off the camera and the radio show and answered. It seemed that there was someone in the front room for him.
“Hello, my friend and allow me introduce myself. I am Mike Dijital, and the name of my associate is entirely unnecessary as they are paid to help. I did hear tell of your dilemma, your inability to find the elusive Bigfoot and make it your bride. So, brother, I have an offer you’d be a fool to refuse. Any creature you want would be yours if only for this tattoo, my special artwork which is divinely blessed. I shall give you your seventeenth rad tat and Bigfoot will come to you.”
The emperor was so stoned from toking all night that he merrily accepted the offer. “Yes,” he shouted, “give me your rad tat and when Bigfoot comes for me, ten grand will be yours.”
“There is one catch. The tat is invisible. You’ll not be able to see it but everyone else will.” Mike turned to his associate and whispered so the emperor could not hear. “Tell Whatsisface to get the Bigfoot suit ready.”
The emperor thought of it and said, “Alright, I’m ready for your new rad tat.”
Mike took the emperor into the garage and directed him to lay down face first and pull down his pants. The Emperor was only too happy to. After an hour of excruciating pain, far more pain than a normal tattoo, Mike told the emperor that it was done. The emperor stood feeling sorely butthurt.
He called all of his subjects for another announcement.
Stay Tuned for Part II
ONCE UPON A TIME in the distant land of La La there lived an emperor who called himself Lord Rick. He wasn’t really an emperor. He wasn’t really even a lord. He ran for president once, but that’s the closest he ever came. (In fact, I’m not even sure Rick is his real name). Well, this tale takes place long, long ago, sometime last Tuesday, and has been painstakingly chronicled by Lord Lulz and Judge Phantom. The Lord was mighty emperor who can summon demons by raising his arm. He was much loved by all four of his subjects; sometimes five depending on how well the fifth subject knew the emperor.
He much adored his rad tats. His sixteen rad tats were his greatest pride and he greatly vaunted their abilities to attract ghosts. He had a picture of a glorious creature, who he loved with all his heart. He kept the photo in his shirt pocket, which was held together by three pieces of thread. At night, he would take the photo out, stare at it for long hours and kiss it even and sometimes his subjects could hear crying out in the night a single word…”Bigfoot”.
The emperor stood before his subjects and proclaimed, “Hear Ye! Hear! People of La La Land!” (He could not afford a town crier.) “I seek my beloved Bigfoot to be mine to cherish. He who can bring my beloved to me shall have riches piled upon him!”
By sheer chance, at that very moment, not far from where Lord Rick made his announcement, Mike Dijital and his cronies were scheming. They had come upon hard financial times. Mike would not sell his cheap Gibson Les Paul Jr., so they had to come up with other means to support themselves.
“Dude, how are we gonna some spending cash?” said one of the cronies.
A second, “Hey, we can always convince your mamma to go on Jerry Springer.”
“Dude, what did you just say?”
“You heard me, mamma’s boy.”
Mike said, “Knock it off you two. We need to find some dumb rich dude to swindle. We can pretend to be his friend and offer something that he wants more than anything else. But who do we know that’s dumb enough?”
Generic crony one scratched his chin thoughtfully and said, “Hey, man. There’s this Lord Rick nitwit who said there was a UFO hovering over his house for four hours.”
This was interesting, and Mike rose an eyebrow. “Did anyone else see this UFO?”
“Nope.”
Just at that moment, Mike heard Rick’s proclamation from a bullhorn up the street and said, “Yup, I think we’ve found our mark.”
Meanwhile, in his castle, which was really a garage with a red tarpaulin hanging over the door to disguise the fact that it was really a garage, the emperor pontificated before a webcam. He basically rambled for six hours.
“Well, everybody,” he said into the electronic eye, “I’ve finally made the leap and put out the word for Bigfoot to come for me and I only hope that these idiots, these ass clowns, who are these guys? These wiseguys who mock me out and molest the Lord Rick Fake Radio Show. They’re really just jealous of me, and my success. I’ve been in the media. I’ve written books. I’ve had thousands of photos. I’ve done over 800,000 stellar investigations and I need donations. I’ve got an investigation coming up and I need money for equipment. You know, if you have any used equipment I’ll be happy to take it. Gas cards will work. I’ll always take money. If you don’t have anything to give, you can always just show up and help out. We’ll toke a few: have a few drinks. For God sakes, get up off your lazy good-for-nothing-asses and get out from behind your monitors you lazy bastards. I deserve a little appreciation. None of you give me any appreciation. I work my ass off for these groups and everyone just takes. Do you know…do you know…I am so freaking stoned. I completely forgot what I was talking about.”
Jayman, who often tried to be the emperor’s great advisor, phoned into the fake radio show and said, “Hold it, hold it, wait a minute. What were you saying about Bigfoot?”
“Hey man, I’m trying to tie the knot with Bigfoot!”
“Oh, Jesus Christ. Umm, Rick, what the hell did you put in your bong this time?”
“Dude! I got primo grade! Fresh off the stem! Come on, Jay! Come on down here to Sin City and toke one up!”
“Thanks for the offer, Rick, but I think I’ll pass. I’m too busy being a productive member of society. So tell me: what did Bigfoot say when you gave him/her/it the ring?”
“Oh, you know. I can’t find it. I’m giving a big reward to anyone who can him to me.”
“Someone sent you forty bucks and you’re using it to find Bigfoot?”
“No, I got my welfare check and got a little extra cash from the slots. I was hot for a couple of days so I got some cash to throw around. Got some prime weed and I’ve been toking it. I decided that I can either fix up my Subaru or find Bigfoot. The busted out windows save me on gas for the A/C so I decided to find the love of my life.”
“Um, Rick, let me guess. You put this up on Craigslist. Rick, this is hard to believe, but there are idiots even dumber than you who are going to start messaging you and you’re going to get con artists and every breed. Do yourself a favor and put the bong down. Rick, just put the bong down.”
“Oh, don’t give me that shit, Jay. You always show up ragging on my kids and ragging on my dead friend. You post all my personal information and you think I’m supposed to think you’re worth a shit?”
“Rick, look. I just want to help. How much is this reward anyway?”
“It’s ten thousand and just how are you helping by posting my personal ads and posting my dinner menu?”
“Ten thousand?”
“You are the biggest ass clown of all the wiseguys. Why the hell are you even on my show?”
“Rick, first of all, if I even believed you had ten thousand dollars, it takes a real worthless moron to use it to find Bigfoot, when every other day of the week, you can’t even feed your family.”
“Hey, I saved something for my kids you damned ass clown. It’s my money and I—“
“Rick, second; to advertise that kind of money publicly is idiocy. You’re liable to get yourself killed.”
After a few seconds there was dead air. “Okay,” said Rick, “That was one of the wiseguys. He calls him Jayman and he is one of the ass clowns who harasses my eleven thousand members. I just blocked him, so we don’t have to listen to his bullshit anymore.”
And so it was that the emperor ignored any good advice that anyone ever tried to give him. After several hours, the person who’s garage he was crashing in started pounding on the door. The emperor turned off the camera and the radio show and answered. It seemed that there was someone in the front room for him.
“Hello, my friend and allow me introduce myself. I am Mike Dijital, and the name of my associate is entirely unnecessary as they are paid to help. I did hear tell of your dilemma, your inability to find the elusive Bigfoot and make it your bride. So, brother, I have an offer you’d be a fool to refuse. Any creature you want would be yours if only for this tattoo, my special artwork which is divinely blessed. I shall give you your seventeenth rad tat and Bigfoot will come to you.”
The emperor was so stoned from toking all night that he merrily accepted the offer. “Yes,” he shouted, “give me your rad tat and when Bigfoot comes for me, ten grand will be yours.”
“There is one catch. The tat is invisible. You’ll not be able to see it but everyone else will.” Mike turned to his associate and whispered so the emperor could not hear. “Tell Whatsisface to get the Bigfoot suit ready.”
The emperor thought of it and said, “Alright, I’m ready for your new rad tat.”
Mike took the emperor into the garage and directed him to lay down face first and pull down his pants. The Emperor was only too happy to. After an hour of excruciating pain, far more pain than a normal tattoo, Mike told the emperor that it was done. The emperor stood feeling sorely butthurt.
He called all of his subjects for another announcement.
Stay Tuned for Part II
The Wisemen Legion
I hope that I am not the only one who has a nose fine tuned to sniff out bullshit. A mere few weeks ago, Rick and Mike were the best of friends. Rick touted him as the king of Urban Exploration and was a guest on his now live show. The two of them were even supposedly running for president and vice president. These guys are politicians and that should tell us something right there. Neither can be trusted. I believe the most important question remains.. just what does this mean for the big presidential campaign? The country wants to know. I couldn’t see Rick sitting in the White House, even if he would only be there for the free rent. After one day on the job…the operative word being “job,” Rick would resign after he realized that it entails much more than smoking pot and screwing interns.
In my opinion, this is all smoke an mirrors. Mike is straddling both sides of the fence, this time trying to look the part of a Wiseman, probably so that he can get “insider information” and help Rick “expose” your true identities. Sure, I welcome Mike here, but know that I will always keep him at a distance.
Before I go any further, let me make it clear that Rick never did find out who I am. I am not Synthia,, nor am I Brie. Lord Lulz is not Thomas Meyers. It makes no difference who I am or who I am not. I sat in Synthia’s group, just as I sat in yours, Rick. The two of you are both the most eccentric and colorful personalities of the paranormal world. If I were inclined to, I could make it my mission to find out who everybody is. Why would I want to concern myself with that? Who cares. That IS stalking. I am no stalker. I am a critic and comedian. I am here to report on the funny things that Rick does but never cross the line into defamation as Rick is also fond of doing to others.
Lulz and I obviously came back for different reasons. I did not come back to compete with AOTN.com, or to fight with anyone over there. In fact, I felt bad about having to choose a name so close to their name. Our first choice was Lord Rick.blogspot but that was taken. Truth be known, I did return in part because of that now infamous nowlive.com show in which Rick did libel two innocent people and after seeing how quickly he believes anything he is told and reacts in such a manner without any solid proof, I question just what type of investigator this man could be. How reliable could his research be after all, if he is so sloppy and careless. His #39 theory would never hold up in a court of law. When you make an accusation like that, especially on a venue such as now live, you need to have all your ducks in a row with irrefutable proof or else, otherwise this can come back to haunt you and your Now Live host like a late night snack. Only difference between you and Now Live is, they have the millions to shell out for restitution and you don’t. We all know what happens to the people who default on court judgments. Courts are never kind to the poor.
There is also a part of me that feels badly for Rick. What a life he must have with people he confides in, simply pretending to be his friend, only to laugh behind his back. Regardless of what Rick thinks about me or Lord Lulz, at least he can count on us to give him an honest opinion. Right Rick? Don’t you always claim that your “honesty” is too much for some people to handle? The same is true of my honesty. Look how he reacted to it. He went on a search and destroy mission. Problem here is, innocent people were hurt in the crossfire. Even Rick said that he wasn’t sure who we were but Mike supposedly figured out this mystery and Rick went full steam ahead with his wild accusations. Lord Lulz seems to think that Jayman was the “anonymous” informant. Makes no difference to me who said what. The outcome is still the same.
Yes Rick, the Wisemen Legion is growing and multiplying. Two websites and no shortage of material. You are truly a class act.
In my opinion, this is all smoke an mirrors. Mike is straddling both sides of the fence, this time trying to look the part of a Wiseman, probably so that he can get “insider information” and help Rick “expose” your true identities. Sure, I welcome Mike here, but know that I will always keep him at a distance.
Before I go any further, let me make it clear that Rick never did find out who I am. I am not Synthia,, nor am I Brie. Lord Lulz is not Thomas Meyers. It makes no difference who I am or who I am not. I sat in Synthia’s group, just as I sat in yours, Rick. The two of you are both the most eccentric and colorful personalities of the paranormal world. If I were inclined to, I could make it my mission to find out who everybody is. Why would I want to concern myself with that? Who cares. That IS stalking. I am no stalker. I am a critic and comedian. I am here to report on the funny things that Rick does but never cross the line into defamation as Rick is also fond of doing to others.
Lulz and I obviously came back for different reasons. I did not come back to compete with AOTN.com, or to fight with anyone over there. In fact, I felt bad about having to choose a name so close to their name. Our first choice was Lord Rick.blogspot but that was taken. Truth be known, I did return in part because of that now infamous nowlive.com show in which Rick did libel two innocent people and after seeing how quickly he believes anything he is told and reacts in such a manner without any solid proof, I question just what type of investigator this man could be. How reliable could his research be after all, if he is so sloppy and careless. His #39 theory would never hold up in a court of law. When you make an accusation like that, especially on a venue such as now live, you need to have all your ducks in a row with irrefutable proof or else, otherwise this can come back to haunt you and your Now Live host like a late night snack. Only difference between you and Now Live is, they have the millions to shell out for restitution and you don’t. We all know what happens to the people who default on court judgments. Courts are never kind to the poor.
There is also a part of me that feels badly for Rick. What a life he must have with people he confides in, simply pretending to be his friend, only to laugh behind his back. Regardless of what Rick thinks about me or Lord Lulz, at least he can count on us to give him an honest opinion. Right Rick? Don’t you always claim that your “honesty” is too much for some people to handle? The same is true of my honesty. Look how he reacted to it. He went on a search and destroy mission. Problem here is, innocent people were hurt in the crossfire. Even Rick said that he wasn’t sure who we were but Mike supposedly figured out this mystery and Rick went full steam ahead with his wild accusations. Lord Lulz seems to think that Jayman was the “anonymous” informant. Makes no difference to me who said what. The outcome is still the same.
Yes Rick, the Wisemen Legion is growing and multiplying. Two websites and no shortage of material. You are truly a class act.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Guess What?
Guess what, Lord Rick!
Lord Lulz is back and ready to deal supreme butthurt. Since Lord Rick has decided to spit in my face instead of accepting my constant peace offerings, war is on. There will be no more offerings of peace or goodwill. I also will accept no peace offerings from Lord Rick from here on out.
Guess what, Jayman!
No good deed goes unpunished. Judge Phantom and I set up a blog site, invited you, Odd Emperor and Roadwolf, only to have you write Rick and telling him who you think we are, kicking us out of the site and basically taking it over. Good move, Jayman. The Angelofthynight website that resulted from your treason is now a crap site that just focuses on getting into pissing contests with Rick and satire takes a back burner. Odd and Roadwolf, you are more than welcome to join us. Jayman, keep your obsession to yourself. Nobody gives a shit.
Guess what, Mike Dijital!
You may think you’re sitting pretty as a fellow Wise Guy, but you have some awful ass strut marks from straddling the fence for all those years. You stick up for Rick in public, and then laugh and joke with us in private, and then when Rick turns on you, you were a Rick hater all along. Pathetic. It’s going to take a lot more than a change of allegiance to convince me that you’re nothing more than a Geetar Hero just looking for publicity.
Guess what, Angelofthynight.com!
Until Jayman gets booted, you are going to be the number two victim of bootinrectum syndrome. Nothing against Odd, Roadwolf, King Basher or any of the others (Mike, no offense but you remind me of another guitar player I know). Jay, it isn’t personal…well maybe a little personal. Ah, fuck it, this is a one man crusade against Jayman.
Hey, guess what, guys!
I got kind of kicked out of the circle, and I’m pissed. Judge Phantom and I set up Angelofthynight.com and now look. Jayman usurped and fucked the whole thing up. I’m not letting that go. Judge and I worked hard on that site. Roadwolf may have bought the domain, but we set the blog up and invited everyone else. Remember who got all of those visitors. Jayman, we plan on taking all of your traffic away, just like we did to Lord Wreck. That was us, not you. You couldn’t do shit before. Jay, I don’t see any creative writing from you. You only did it to boost your Nowlive ratings. Roadwolf and Odd, if you don’t believe us, take a look at the posts. Is Jayman promoting his radio show? Was he doing it after he kicked me and Judge out? Was he doing it before? He removed the link to Rick’s radio show and put his own up. Are you happy just giving Jayman the reigns? We allowed equal decision making. Does Jayman?
Lord Mulletor, prepare to have my size eleven lodged in your rad tattooed ass. Jayman, I’m getting out the big guns for you. Mike, quit bothering me and go eat your cereal.
The one and only,
Lord Lulz
Lord Lulz is back and ready to deal supreme butthurt. Since Lord Rick has decided to spit in my face instead of accepting my constant peace offerings, war is on. There will be no more offerings of peace or goodwill. I also will accept no peace offerings from Lord Rick from here on out.
Guess what, Jayman!
No good deed goes unpunished. Judge Phantom and I set up a blog site, invited you, Odd Emperor and Roadwolf, only to have you write Rick and telling him who you think we are, kicking us out of the site and basically taking it over. Good move, Jayman. The Angelofthynight website that resulted from your treason is now a crap site that just focuses on getting into pissing contests with Rick and satire takes a back burner. Odd and Roadwolf, you are more than welcome to join us. Jayman, keep your obsession to yourself. Nobody gives a shit.
Guess what, Mike Dijital!
You may think you’re sitting pretty as a fellow Wise Guy, but you have some awful ass strut marks from straddling the fence for all those years. You stick up for Rick in public, and then laugh and joke with us in private, and then when Rick turns on you, you were a Rick hater all along. Pathetic. It’s going to take a lot more than a change of allegiance to convince me that you’re nothing more than a Geetar Hero just looking for publicity.
Guess what, Angelofthynight.com!
Until Jayman gets booted, you are going to be the number two victim of bootinrectum syndrome. Nothing against Odd, Roadwolf, King Basher or any of the others (Mike, no offense but you remind me of another guitar player I know). Jay, it isn’t personal…well maybe a little personal. Ah, fuck it, this is a one man crusade against Jayman.
Hey, guess what, guys!
I got kind of kicked out of the circle, and I’m pissed. Judge Phantom and I set up Angelofthynight.com and now look. Jayman usurped and fucked the whole thing up. I’m not letting that go. Judge and I worked hard on that site. Roadwolf may have bought the domain, but we set the blog up and invited everyone else. Remember who got all of those visitors. Jayman, we plan on taking all of your traffic away, just like we did to Lord Wreck. That was us, not you. You couldn’t do shit before. Jay, I don’t see any creative writing from you. You only did it to boost your Nowlive ratings. Roadwolf and Odd, if you don’t believe us, take a look at the posts. Is Jayman promoting his radio show? Was he doing it after he kicked me and Judge out? Was he doing it before? He removed the link to Rick’s radio show and put his own up. Are you happy just giving Jayman the reigns? We allowed equal decision making. Does Jayman?
Lord Mulletor, prepare to have my size eleven lodged in your rad tattooed ass. Jayman, I’m getting out the big guns for you. Mike, quit bothering me and go eat your cereal.
The one and only,
Lord Lulz
I'm Baaaaack!
All rise. The honorable Judge Phantom takes the bench again. It's hard to keep a good man down, especially when Lord Rick makes it irresistable.
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